As the exercise ended, people were invited to share. I was still stunned with how similar my reaction was to a seizure, and in the swirl of thoughts and feelings I had a sudden, new way to look at my life. Having worked for the Epilepsy Foundation of America, I knew that my conclusion was waaaayy outside of accepted theory on epilepsy, but I had something which, after a number of years of wondering, could account for why I suddenly developed epilepsy at age 22.
Physicians have a term for those who develop a condition that has no aparent physical cause (like trauma) - "idiopathic." I has my first seizure one night while asleep. I woke up in the hospital with what felt like an elephant jumping on a pogo stick in my temple. I could barely speak, let alone remember what happened. Later that day, as consciousness came back I was told about it. As I learned later, 25% of the population with epilepsy develop the condition after age 18.
The important, unsaid background to this event was that my father was in the same hospital, a few floors away, in ICU in a coma. His heart valve replacement surgery earlier that year was failing and he had collapsed and been in for at least three days. What I had not remembered before the exercise in the training was the exact scenario of those few days:
I was home after 4 years away in college, thinking nothing of Dad's health. As a matter of fact, I was out drinking one night and barely got myself home, only to be awakened by my mother as the doctor left. We had to get him in - and I was still feeling the alcohol from the night before. It took an hour for the ambulance to get there, and he was in coma by the time he was brought in. We were, as you might guess, somewhat frantic for the next few days. After about the third day I saw the neurologist enter his area and run some tests. He exchanged words with our doctor, and when he came out I asked him to give me the straight story. "Will he recover?" I remembered asking. "No" was the reply.
I stood there. In shock, I guess. I started to break down, but through some act of will decided I needed to 'be strong' for my brother and mother. I managed to drive home that night - and woke up in the hospital the next morning.