In 1981 the est training was a rather drawn-out process - a weekday evening "pre-session" prior to the weekend, then Saturday and Sunday till all hours, another weekday "mid-session", the second weekend and finally a weekday evening "post-session." I have some sharp memories from that period - and more than a few empty spaces. If I can recall it, the purpose of the est training was to "rehabilitate your ability to experience life" - what ever that was supposed to mean! I remember being put off by the strict rules and environment; I remember being concerned that I was one of the "special" people on medication in the back row - would they let me stay, I wondered? [I have tonic-clonic, idiopathic epilepsy and at the time my medication regimen was "dilantin three times a day"]
A lot of my first few hours was caught up in judging and evaluating everyone else in the room. As more and more people stood up and shared or questioned or argued with Roger Dillan - the trainer - I was forming better pictures of who I liked, agreed with or simply couldn't stand. In truth, I was quite oblivious to my constant cataloging, at least until one fellow stood up. I knew, simply by looking at him, that he couldn't possibly have anything to say that could be valuable or important to me, and so my attention wandered. And then suddenly, I was totally captivated by how he was discussing his relationship with his parents - as though he were discussing MY life!
The realization, there on the first day, that I was tuning out people who might have something valuable to say hit me like a brick in the gut! If that was all there was to get, then I already had my money's worth - and at the first break my wife knew she had HER money worth from her investment in my registration fee! I did a lot of laughing that weekend; I reacted to being called an "asshole" with humor and with an eye towards "maybe I ought to try this one on." It never seemed to be something that was meant as evil or demeaning - just as a way of having people wake up to something outside their own sphere of experience.